PussyMonster.ai is trusted by over 500 companies
Yes, all companies are fictional. So is the customer count.
Series Z · Pre-Product · Post-Effort
PussyMonster.ai
The first AI that does absolutely nothing.
After other AI companies pretend to do stuff, we do absolutely nothing. Fuck you.
Yeah, no sales team, no call, go fuck yourself.
Ask MonsterGPT™
by PussyMonster.ai
Ask me anything. I won't help.
Me will answer with total confidence and zero usefulness.
0 questions answered · fuck u, no cookies · 0 problems solved
🛢️ Powered by Bag
Features (lol)
Every PussyMonster.ai feature does nothing. That is the feature.
EBT Detection Software™
Scans your card, cannot tell EBT apart from a gas station punch card, and approves everyone anyway. We cannot afford to run it.
Agents That Text The Plug For You
Tell it what you need. It texts your plug "you up?". Plug never replies. That is the deliverable.
COCK-3 Certified
Audited by a firm we refuse to name. Sealed, stamped, laminated, and never once looked at.
Kirkology Tech™
Our proprietary field of science. Nobody knows what it means, including us. 40 slides of it in the deck.
FentGuard 9000™
Sniffs your prompt, flags nothing, goes back to sleep. 0% detection rate, tested on absolutely nothing.
Customer reviews
Every PussyMonster.ai review is one star. We worked very hard on that.
“Worst product ever. I asked it to write an email to my landlord and it told me to go fuck myself. Sink is still broken, rent is still late, and now I'm crying at my kitchen table.”
“I've been in and out of rehab, lost everything including custody of my children, and this website still did less for me than the court system did.”
“My therapist told me to start setting boundaries. This is mine. I am not giving you people another cent and you cannot make me.”
“Paid $9,999 for enterprise nothing. Got nothing. The invoice said nothing. The sales guy said nothing. Me and the sales guy are friends now.”
Pricing
Pick how much PussyMonster.ai nothing you want to pay for.
We're a non-profit. All proceeds go to Bag.
No dividends. No bonuses. No office. Every crumb you pay us goes straight to Bag, who does even less work than we do.
Parody, not legal status: we're not a registered charity, and Bag isn't a charity either. Bag just takes the money.
Jester
$9/mo
Nothing, but you laugh about it.
Broke ahh. Get ur money up, king.
Chud
$99/mo
Same nothing, but angrier and in your face.
You paid us to insult you. That is the whole plan.
Rizzler
$999/mo
Nothing delivered with unmatched confidence.
You're gonna post about this on LinkedIn. We can tell.
MOST NOTHING
Mogger
$9,999/mo
Enterprise nothing + a sales guy who also does nothing.
You expensed this. Your CFO is in this meeting. He knows.